In private adoption, a potential birthmother has a month after her baby's birth to consider this most monumental decision of her life.

Ultimately, weaving valued connections into the fabric of family creates a more textured and interesting life, and contributes to our children's identities and sense of belonging in the world.

A quote about supporting heritage, from an A4L Community Member.

Never did we imagine the level of openness we have but now we couldn’t imagine it any other way.

While we unfortunately are not able to have openness with our children’s birth parents at this time, we are fortunate to have a beautiful relationship with the person who raised them over quite a long period of time. She made the transition home seamless, teaching us how to follow the kids’ lead and emotions, and helping us learn routines.

People ask us things like, “Is it hard for you, seeing his biological family?” No, not at all. For me, personally, it has never been weird or difficult, and maybe I have been lucky in that regard. But, does it really matter if it was? We have this relationship for Cooper, so in my opinion, my personal feelings are really quite irrelevant.

Adopting parents must be prepared to make similarly difficult choices. They must risk devastating emotional disappointment by preparing for a single child’s arrival in their lives.

I am so grateful for Adopt4Life and I'm trusting that what its members tell me is true. In the long run this will benefit our kids and I've even been told we will love our third family and all they offer eventually. For now, its hard, its awkward but I’m getting there.

I very much am grateful for knowing Sean's family. When I needed medical information his grandma was able to provide me with very important family history and helpful details. I love taking a picture of Sean and seeing that he looks just like his mom in it. I love knowing what his mom looks like and so too will he. I get excited when I share that Sean hates the dentist and I find out his mom does too. I love that his aunt and mom loved Mr. Bean just as much as him.

Once I turned my mind and my heart to the adoption process, I knew that having an open adoption would likely happen, and I welcomed this opportunity. This is the family that gave my child life. These are the people that share a common story with my child and she should know about them and build a relationship with them if and when that was appropriate.  

A quote about hope from an A4L Community Member.

When we first learned that we were chosen to adopt our youngest child, and her birth family’s desire to have an openness agreement, we knew that we were going into new territory. Our two older children were an adoption order (letters and pictures 4 times a year) and a closed adoption, making an agreement something we had no experience with.

A successful open adoption relationship develops like a courtship. When a man and a woman meet and find they share a mutual interest, they spend time together, getting to know each other better. This too is how birth-parents and adoptive parents form their relationship. They spend time learning about each other and sharing their relationship expectations.